Loss
by Aetherwolf
Summary: A loss of memories can lead to many things, and a loss of feeling can lead to darkness. One is ready, one isn't. One mistake leads to another, and harsh feelings causes sparks to fly. Maybe if he said something, none of this would've happened... (M!MU/Lon'qu)
1. Cerrunos

**_Loss_**

He didn't recognize himself.

This disturbed him. But it didn't surprise him. That didn't make amnesia less of a bitch though.

His eyebrows furrowed as he stared into the puddle. No matter how long he stared, there was nothing. No hint, no recollection. Nothing which made anything in his muddled mind click. He only saw what the world outside his vision saw. But to him, this person staring back at him was a stranger he had never met.

Dark blue hair that never managed to stay down and pale yellow eyes. There were tattoos on his hand which he didn't have an explanation for-as for it's purpose, or why it was there in the first place.

Anything else, he had a solution for. But he couldn't solve anything about himself. It was all one big blank.

Not being able to even figure himself out-that was what frustrated him the most.

"Cerrunos?"

"Ah..." Cerrunos turned around. He was surprised how someone could catch him off guard like that. He was usually able to know when someone approached him. "I'm sorry Chrom. What is it?"_  
_

"I just wanted to discuss with you about our approach to Regna Ferox," The blue haired prince raised a questioning eyebrow at Cerrunos. "But are you alright?"

Cerrunos tried to force out a chuckle. "Of course. Why do you ask?"

"I was trying to get your attention for the last few minutes. But you were staring off, and didn't answer."

_Gods, I'm really out of it._Cerrunos thought, inwardly wincing. "Sorry. It's nothing."

Chrom didn't look convinced. "Really, Chrom, I'm fine." Cerrunos said, smiling. "There's nothing to worry about. Now what were you saying about Regna Ferox?"

Chrom still didn't seem to buy Cerrunos's assurance, but the tactician was relieved when Chrom didn't press the subject any further. "I wanted to ask you about what you think would be the best way to get to Regna Ferox. With the land crawling with Risen and with little time to waste, we need to be able to take a route which would take the least amount of time, but would be safe enough to travel through."

Cerrunos nodded, the gears in his mind already turning. "Well, I can't say for sure yet. Do we have a map of it? If we have a map, then we can try discuss which route would be the best for our situation."

"Yes, we have maps. It's in the supplies tent."

"I would like to see it."

The two blue haired men headed on their way. Cerrunos was glad he had something else to focus on, but there was still that little itch in the back of his mind. He just hoped it would disappear in the heat of their next battle. After all, it wouldn't do if someone-or himself-got killed in battle just because he was a little distracted, would it?

* * *

They spent the whole afternoon figuring out different routes. As hard as it was to believe, it was tiring. Each route held their risks, and their benefits. It was all a matter of choosing the one which wouldn't get them killed, and which would be less time consuming. By the time they chose which route they believed was best, the moon was already out.

Cerrunos didn't bother sticking around to chat after dinner. He knew that the Shepherds didn't trust him-aside from Chrom and Lissa. He could see the wary looks in their eyes. Some were less obvious from others, but he could tell that they were keeping a distance from him. Whether it was because of his 'so-called memory loss' or the fact he was just a guy who Chrom happened to find in a middle of a field, he wasn't sure. But he knew that he couldn't expect to earn their trust right off the bat. He had to earn it. Especially Fredrick the Wary. He swore the knight kept an eye on him 24/7. And as much as he couldn't blame them, at the same time-what harm could he do to them? He had no memory to build off of. And they could have beaten him if they wanted to. You could be a great tactician, but if you had no troops to back you up-you were nothing.

With all this, he wondered why Chrom didn't go with it. After all, he didn't seem like the type to let harm fall upon his comrades. Even with the warnings he got from Fredrick and the others, he wasn't phased by it. It didn't seem like anything would way his decision.

Cerrunos began to wonder if Chrom was just a really nice guy, or really naive.

_Who knows? _Cerrunos didn't want to dwell on the issue for much longer. All this thinking for one day was even giving Cerrunos a headache. Imagine, the chief tactician, getting a headache! What a laugh. _I suppose everyone has their tired moments. _

He reached his tent, and undressed to his small clothes. He laid down, feeling sleep tempting him to close his eyes.

_Maybe if I'm lucky, I won't have another nightmare... _Cerrunos thought. The dark thoughts which plagued him in his sleep. Even for nightmares they seemed... real. Almost too real. As if they actually happened. But what was worse was that he couldn't even remember what they were about. He could only remember the feeling. Agony. Loss. Betrayal.

His eyes fell shut, and he was welcomed in the sleep's embrace.

* * *

**A/N:  
It's been awhile since I posted anything. **

**So I recently got into Fire Emblem again, and I started playing ****_Awakening _****and I thought, 'Well, why don't I write a fan fiction?' It's been forever since I last wrote something, and the idea came to me, so I figured I'd post it here. **

**Remember, it's been awhile since I wrote anything so go easy on me. (I'll come back to edit this later.**

**Warnings: Some mild language, some violence, some mentions of mild same-sex relationships, some romance****  
**


	2. Lon'qu

**Loss**

He had too many memories.

They always came to prey on him. It would start out pleasant. He was greeted by the sweet scent of the air and a flourish of nature. A girl's pretty little laugh, as bright as the sun which shined on the grass. A bright blue sky feathered with white clouds and the birds chirping aw

_Ke'ri...  
_

Then all he could remember those dastards who came upon them. They were the predators, the wolves from the forest, eyeing out their prey as they wielded their steel.

_Ke'ri... Ke'ri... Ke'ri..._

That was all he could think about as he slashed through them. _Protect... protect... I will protect her... _He had become a demon amongst demons, destroying those who dared to harm his.. his... friend? No... She had become more to him. As she shed her kindness on him when others viewed him as a troublemaker from the slums. Her parents warned her about him, but yet she stole away to see him.

Daring, yet kind and warm. At first he wasn't sure what to think of her. But as time passed, with each moment spent with her... he felt more and more... attracted. Just thinking about her was enough to send him smiling like an idiot.

It was love. He knew even before the kiss on the cheek. Even before the brush of her hands against his. Even before those three little words came out from their lips.

It was love, and he wouldn't let these men steal it away. He would fight for her, die for her. He would give up his life if it meant keeping her safe.

_Ke'ri... Ke'ri... Ke'ri! _

She wouldn't let him die. She let him live.

So careless of him. If only he had been faster, stronger... Crimson splattered him. Her warmth... a sickly sweet scent...

Horror washed over him. He couldn't believe it... He began to shake with horror as he watched her fall.

_Ke'ri! _

The shaking turned into unexplainable rage. He clenched his fists, feeling his insides turning into fire. One could almost feel sorry for the attackers as they unintentionally unleashed a beast. A feral, wild animal consumed in wrath.

_I failed her..._

_"I love you Lon'qu... always remember that..." _

* * *

He awoke in cold sweat. Even when it was a familiar sensation, he still was caught up in shaking fear. Anger. Sorrow.

_I failed. _

Lon'qu frowned, feeling a bitter taste in his mouth. He ran his hand through his brown hair, damp and matted against his forehead.

It was a dream which would always haunted him. A memory. The girl in his dreams, the blood, it would always grip onto him like a vice at his heart. It would never free him.

What good was it with a sword if he couldn't even defeat the demons inside him? What good was it with strength, speed, and accuracy if he couldn't even fight back the nightmares?

What good was it all?

"And Lon'qu? Are you alright with this?"

"... He gives orders, I stab people. I think our roles are pretty clear. "

He was always the type of man who hated being around people who he didn't know. And now he was being sent off to work for them in a war he was never involved with? Lon'qu couldn't say that he was exactly pleased. But he was Basilio's right hand man. And like said before, Lon'qu did the stabbing, Basilio made the decisions. And to Lon'qu, Khan Basilio's word was law.

Still, working for the prince of Ylisse... it would take awhile before even the prince could earn Lon'qu's respect. He just was a man that happened to have good men and luck on his side. Good enough men-by that, Lon'qu meant that they were good enough to defeat Marth.

He inwardly grimaced. _Marth. _

Lon'qu remembered how he was so easily defeated. And all because of one little mishap. After that, Marth was made Basilio's new champion... for a little while. Then after the masked-man's defeat, Marth disappeared.

_I will never make that mistake again... _Lon'qu thought. He remembered how he had gotten close enough to his challenger. Lon'qu thought it would be an easy defeat. After all, Marth was a man hiding behind a mask with delusions of grandeur. How good could he possibly be?

And that was when he got close enough. He had his sword ready, prepped to make a strike. But he hesitated. There was something that went off in his head. A little alarm ringing somewhere. And before Lon'qu could even utter his discovery, he felt a sharp blow to the head. Then everything went black.

_All it took was hesitation. Like the last time..._

"...All right. Welcome aboard."

Lon'qu opened his eyes, staring straight into the eyes of the prince before him.

The prince had his hand out. Lon'qu took awhile to process Chrom's intentions. He then took the hand, shaking it with a grunt. He hated getting in contact with people. And to work with this stupid prince ticked him off even more. But he hid his annoyance with mastery.

_This will be only for a little while. At least until this stupid war is over... then I can go back to being at Khan Basilio's side. __Then everything will be back to the way it was. _

He said his good-byes to the West Khan before heading out with the Prince and his little crusade. The girl made Lon'qu cringe away, even as she was no harm to him. The knight was stiff, always seeming to be seeing to the prince's well being (Lon'qu was beginning to question if the Knight was just royal baby-sitter), and the only one who seemed to catch Lon'qu's attention was the man who was dressed in those strange robes.

What was his name? Khan Basilio had mentioned it earlier. Ah, Cerrunos. The prince's tactician. There was much that people knew about him except that he seemed to be a tactical genius.

"Excuse me?"

Lon'qu found the tactician face to face. A bit too close for comfort. Trying to keep composure, he cleared his throat and answered with, "What do you want?"

"Well..." The blue-haired tactician was seeming to chose the right words in the air. "You've been scowling at me for the last few minutes. Is something a matter?"

Whoops. Lon'qu cursed himself. That made it the second time already he was dazing out. "...sorry. There is nothing wrong." _Now leave me alone. _

"Oh. Alright."

_He's just going to leave it at that? _Lon'qu was quite curious at Cerrunos's reply. Most people would have been pressing for a answer. A reason.

"Well, if there is something wrong..."

Or maybe Lon'qu thought wrong. He waited.

"Feel free to share with me if there is something bothering you." Cerrunos said.

Lon'qu glanced back, still scowling to hide the confusion in his head. "And why would you burden yourself with my troubles?" He said, wondering what the tactician was up to. Was he being sincere, or was he trying to pry Lon'qu for whatever information he could get?

"Because... we're comrades now, right? We should carry each other's weight, so that way it doesn't way down on one in battle. To do our best, we have to work together, right?"

_So it's a simple matter of tactics and battle... Not for anything personal. _For some reason, Lon'qu found this... refreshing. Weird as that might sound, it was definitely an answer that he wasn't expecting. And the way Cerrunos had said _comrade _instead of saying _friend, _he knew that Cerrunos wasn't trying to press the situation.

"...it will be a long time before I consider you a comrade." Lon'qu said, keeping his eyes forward. He didn't want to keep his hopes up.

"Then I'll work hard enough until I achieve that title." Cerrunos replied.

Lon'qu swore that he could hear a smile in that response. A greeting to the challenge. While he didn't like to be challenged by someone he barely met, at the same time... He wasn't sure how to describe it. It felt... interesting.

He marched forward. _Just make this quick. Fight. Defeat the enemy. Be done with it. And then things will be back to normal. _

Lon'qu knew somewhere in his instinct-that wouldn't be the case.

* * *

**a/n:**

**Another short chapter I know! It'll develop more over time. I just kinda wanted to get the beginning part over with _ **

**Apologies if Lon'qu seems a bit out of character. I still need to study his personality and such. Also, I'm kinda basing his past with my knowledge of his support conversations with Tharja and Cherche, so if something seems a little off, feel free to let me know!**

**So Cerrunos/Robin/Avatar will have a little personality change here and there-just to make him a little more original. And there will be conversations from the game and just from scenarios I though up. Since I can't remember everything exactly, bear with me! **


	3. Training-Cerrunos

**Loss**

"...Ahem."

Cerrunos jumped. "Y-yes?"

The sun was blistering, even in the cool shade of the tree.

Lon'qu furrowed his face into a scowl. Sweat was beading down his skin. "I cannot focus with you leering at me."

"Oh!" Caught red handed. Oops. Cerrunos blushed even redder-his face was already heated from the warm weather. "Sorry Lon'qu." He apologized, coming down from the steep of the hill. "I just got... caught up watching you practice. Your style is a perfect blend of accuracy, power, and speed... They really know what they're doing up in Regna Ferox."

Cerrunos had only been passing through the camp. He forgot what his original destination was. But he had seen Lon'qu training. That was enough to catch Cerrunos's attention.

The man always kept to himself-so there wasn't much that people knew about him. Always private about his life, or anything in general. He didn't even bother to eat with the group. He would go out of his way to avoid the women mostly, but Lon'qu seemed to avoid all contact with others in general. So for Cerrunos to catch Lon'qu in the midst of practice almost seemed... forbidden, in a sense. A rare moment, something that would not come along often.

"..." Lon'qu gave him a long hard stare. Cerrunos was trying to spit out words, anything which would get him out of this situation. He felt like a peeping tom.

"Erm... sorry?" Cerrunos managed to apologize, pathetically.

"...I am far from the best."

"Huh?"

Lon'qu shook his head, eyebrows furrowed into a scowl still. "Strength is everything in Regna Ferox. Any weakness is weeded out. For the Feroxi, strength will speak louder than words."

Cerrunos was compelled by Lon'qu's words. There was so much strength, so much belief. Even when their ideals varied, he couldn't help but agree with him. "I... I see."

"Well, if you're still here, what do you want?"

"Oh," What did Cerrunos want? He had just intended to watch Lon'qu for a little bit. But now he felt like he owed it to Lon'qu. Time for the tactician to figure out the right words, the right explanation. "Well... I noticed that the way that you fight, well, it's different from the way of Ylisse.."

"And?"

"Erm... well, I want you to train me." Wow, that sounded weak.

Lon'qu raised an eyebrow. "..I am no teacher. Besides, isn't Fredrick teaching you already?"

Cerrunos gained his composure. "Like I said before, the Ylissean style is different from the Feroxi. And wouldn't it prove useful if one could use the mixture of both?"In a way, that was true. While it was good to have a certain style in fighting, at the same time, a mix of both could provide formidable against an enemy.

Lon'qu stared at him for a long moment. Cerrunos had just about come to the conclusion that Lon'qu would say no when the myrmidion replied with a small smile, "Very well then, pick up a sword."

This shocked the tactician, the idea that Lon'qu had decided to teach him. He was for sure that Lon'qu would refuse. And the smile was another shock. He was pretty sure he had never seen the other man smile...

It was nice.

_Wait! What am I thinking? _he shook his head. "Wait, we're going right into sparring?"

"Like I told you, I am no teacher. The only way you will learn from me is if you experience it yourself." Lon'qu said, already getting into position.

"O-oh, alright..." Cerrunos said, rushing to grab a sword. "Er, Lon'qu, which one would you advise-!" Cerrunos barely had enough time to parry the blow as he blindly grabbed for a sword. He winced, gritting his teeth as Lon'qu leaped back.

"Good." Lon'qu swung his sword. "Good instinct you have there."

Cerrunos was trying to get over the shock of both the blow and the fact that Lon'qu did that. He was about to protest, but realized the meaning behind it. The enemy wasn't going to wait around for them to get ready. They would attack, whether or not they were ready. So Cerrunos decided to be quiet about it, and be ready for the next attack. He got into position.

"Now," Lon'qu said, raising his sword, "Show me how a Ylissean man fights!" His words were calm, but riveted with so much strength in Cerrunos. It was amazing, and Cerrunos knew now what a capable man Lon'qu was-and how he was the West Khan's right hand man. He felt the excitement and the rush of adrenaline go through him.

"Very well. Likewise, show me a Feroxi's strength!" Cerrunos said with a grin. "Because I will not back down!" The sparks were ablaze, and you could see the passion burning in their eyes. A spark of something new, something forged to great strength.

And with that, the myrmidion and tactician charged at each other, swords drawn.

* * *

**I know this does not follow under the original dialogue, but like I said before, I wanted to create something a little more different, something that would add to my character's personality. I felt the original dialogue kinda lacked any real feeling, so I'm going to change things just a bit. **

**So the fire is lit, and now what will be in store for these two next, I wonder?**

**-Aetherwolf**


	4. Training 2-Lon'qu

**Loss**

"HAH!"

"HNGH!"

The sun was beginning to set, but even that did not cool the heat of the training.

Lon'qu could tell that Cerrunos was growing tired. The way his movements were growing more stiff, how he breathed harder. But yet he was still standing. This impressed Lon'qu. _He sure has stamina. _Even Lon'qu felt that his energy was slowly ebbing away-so ending this had to be quick. He gripped his fingers around the sword in his hands, figuring out the best way and time to strike.

Cerrunos's eyes furrowed, and his shoulders squared as he lifted his sword. The blue-haired man let out quite the battle cry as his legs stumbled forward. Lon'qu braced himself, readying himself for the swing of the blade. But then he noticed something was off. The direction which Cerrunos seemed to be going, and the way his legs were slowly teetering... "Hey, watch it!" Lon'qu warned, but it came too late.

"Wha-WHOA!" Cerrunos's pale yellow eyes grew wide as he fell forward. Lon'qu felt the tactician's head smash right into his chest, knocking the air out of him. He struggled to keep them both standing, but that wasn't possible, and the both went hurtling toward the ground with a loud crash. A cloud of dust and dirt rose around them, sending both men into a round of coughing.

"Argh!" He heard Cerrunos cough. "Are you alright Lon'qu?"

"Yes, I'm fine." Lon'qu said, waving the clouds away. "Watch it next time." Both men were so busy in their fits of coughing and waving that they didn't realize the position they were in at first. The first one to notice was Lon'qu when he realized that there was a sudden weight over him-or rather ON him. He frowned, coming to the conclusion. "...Cerrunos."

"Huh?"When Lon'qu motioned between them, a light flashed in Cerrunos's head. He looked at himself, and then Lon'qu. He flushed a bright red, getting up almost immediately. "S-sorry!" He stumbled backward, almost falling again had it not been for the myrmidion who grabbed his wrist to steady him.

Lon'qu scowled. "I said watch where you're going!"

Cerrunos winced, "S...sorry..."

Lon'qu helped the tactician up, steadying the other man. He sighed "If you're tired," he said, looking at Cerrunos straight in the eye, "You should just say so instead of pushing yourself to the brink of exhaustion." It felt ridiculous, honestly. Like scolding a young child. And it was usually Cerrunos who was running around and acting like a mother hen to everyone. The reversal of the roles felt strange.

"But..." Cerrunos fidgeted, seeming to collect himself after that awkward little moment. "If I were to give in everytime I was feeling a little tired, I would never improve. The same goes for you... doesn't it?" Those yellow eyes looked up at Lon'qu's dark ones. "That's why you train so hard. I can tell that you were tired training earlier today, but you didn't let that hinder you, did you? And that's why you're as good as you are now."

Those words rung true. He did train, even when he didn't feel like he was in the mood... why?

To get better, to achieve something better, and be as good-even better, then what people usually complimented him to be. He closed his eyes. Be better... "We're done for the day."

"Huh?"

"It's obvious that you're exhausted. We'll train later on, but for now, you'll be no good in this condition."

Cerrunos seemed to open his mouth to argue, but he thought better. It seemed that Lon'qu's statement wasn't far off. "Alright. I agree, that's enough training for a day." He put the training sword away. "That would go for you too... Anyway... thanks."

"For what?"

"For giving me the training session of my life" Cerrunos smiled through the exhaustion. "It didn't feel like training, it actually felt like I was battling a foe. It felt good, and something that provides useful. Thanks."

Lon'qu felt something flicker as Cerrunos smiled. It felt like a little glow of energy. He wasn't sure what to place it as... but it made him... feel uplifted in a sense. He glanced away. "Hrmph."

"Well, I'll see you later then," Cerrunos said, heading back to camp. But it wasn't even a few steps away before he turned back, looking a little sheepish. "Er, Lon'qu?"

"...What is it now?"

"Can... can you not tell anyone what happened... you know..." Cerrunos flushed red again.

"...hmph. My lips are sealed. The last thing I need is for the camp to guffaw at us for such a ridiculous thing."

The tactician looked relieved. "Thanks." He waved off the myrmidion, and headed his way. Lon'qu watched him as Cerrunos walked to camp. The sun was setting further down, the faint light making the dark blue hair glow a deep shade of purple with tinges of amber. There was something which drew his eyes to him. There was something about Cerrunos which made him... interesting.

_Hmph, well, he's definitely something else. _Lon'qu thought, with a flicker of a little smile.

* * *

**a/n:**

**At this point, I think this story is just going to be a bunch of short little chapters ._. I just have no motivation right now to write extremely long chapters. Maybe further along the lines I will, but I guess I'm just creating build up for the story. **

**This is sort of a friendship/romance fic (i'm not even sure if it's one or the other). I'm sort of going to blur the lines between the two, so sorry if things get a little confusing when it comes to the relationships between the characters. **

**Shout out to Gunlord500! Thanks for the pleasant comment. Definitely got me to write the next chapter. ****Thanks also to MadSlasher! I haven't seen a lot of Lon'qu/MU fics, especially with the Male!MU, so I figure I'd be one of the few to try it out. **

**And thanks to those who read this!**


End file.
